Do you ever get in the shower

and think, man I'm a spoiled American...  Showering every day is a foreign idea to much of the world.  There are millions of people who would love to have water to drink like the gallon I just used to wash the shampoo out of my hair and down the drain.

Is it mind boggling to anyone that we haven't figured out a way to make sure kids aren't dying around the world of too little food and water?  Because it is to me.  They had free cookies sitting out at the bank the other day, and somewhere some kid is literally starving to death.

And I feel so small.  I do my part, or enough to make me feel like I am.  But sometimes I wonder if we should all sell our tv's and furniture and computers and help someone.  I know...  give a man a fish...  Whatever.  Most Americans don't know how to fish (figuratively speaking)...  We hire out all the fishing to other countries, and make our money at the expense of incredibly impoverished people... and pat ourselves on the back for giving them something...  And I don't exclude myself from these charges at all.  I'm part of the culture responsible.

And in my own mind, when I'm not so contemplative as today, I'm struggling to get by.  Because the numbers on my bank account webpage aren't always the color I'd like them to be.  But I'm listening to world class music, streamed to great speakers (most definitely made in China), with comfortable shoes, a warm sweater...  You get the picture.

And I'm really glad I've been so bothered by this the last couple days.  I hope it bothers me enough to make me think of something I can do to change it.

2010

wow.  at the beginning of a new year, a new decade, i am totally buying in to the hype.  my optimism levels are some of the highest in years.  even though i refuse to call them resolutions, because i'm just a rebel by nature, i've already made a dozen or so. 

a huge milestone for me is the realization that i graduated high school a decade ago, and have already been replaced as the youngest member on staff at RMCC.  life moves fast.  in the last decade i graduated high school, attended three colleges, (graduated one), got married, had a child, and am expecting the second in a few months.  I've lived 5 different places (much more than the previous decade) bought 3 cars, had 8 jobs, that i can count right now...  and it feels like a chapter of life is closing.  10 years that I can't change.  those pages have been filled and i've used up 10 years of the gas tank of my life.  and the weird thing is the little red E has been erased, so I don't even know how much i have left.

so it motivates me, to try to make the most of the next 10.  i'm starting out this year recording myself reading through the bible, and sharing it with whoever would want to listen.  http://www.livetwentyten.com/ if you'd like to take a look.  and if i feel like i might succeed at my other not-resolutions, i may share them.  i'm just not brave enough to broadcast potential failures, in my overly optimistic state.  (so maybe i'm not as optimistic as i think i am...)  but it's safe to say i want to reach out more, live more purposefully and effectively, and have faith to allow God to do the miracles he wants to do through my life.

inspired.

i just read a blog by my buddy josh harp, our creative services guy at rmcc. and it made me think, how long has it been since i've blogged... so here i am.

in my late night introspective state, i realize that i am not wired with a very prominent need to communicate. which is weird. i think everyone has some innate need to connect with other people, to share their thoughts and experiences, but mine is just sub-par. i think alot. kind of internal talking to myself, but it doesn't get out very often. and by the time it does, i've gone so far around the circle in my head that i boil it down to something so simple, that when i share it, people just look at me like "duh." christine probably gets more than anyone else, but even then...

so, at risk of just writing some "duh" stuff... here's what's been going through my head, as best i can remember. i am excited about opportunities for our church to reach out during the holiday season, and yes even already looking ahead to easter. but at the same time realize that christmas music in large doses can easily drive a man insane. i also realize that i love to create. much of what i do as a worship leader is basically 'covering' other people's music. (of course there's a spiritual side... worship is not just a coverband show) but musically i don't create much, mostly because i don't see a real need to. there's such amazing worship music out there (see hillsong, united, david crowder band) that there's not a pressing NEED to write new music... but i also realize i thrive on even little creative projects. (much more than communication obviously)

i've also been thinking about the church and Church. what words like missional, evangelism, relevant, spirit-filled, and maturity look like in a community of believers... around the world and specifically at 740 n power rd in mesa, az. change is happening, and it needs to. but throughout history there are obvious changes that everyone takes notice of right away, but there also always seems to be something so obvious going on that the vast majority of people don't see, either a change occuring under the radar, or a change that needs to be made, that no one seems to notice... but i would always want to be the one who does. even if it makes me weird. to be like the prophets in the old testament... to see through fads, and not just go with the flow... but also inspire and promote healthy change and fresh vision to the Church. to see what God sees.

it really comes down to a couple things... i want to see people have fresh water, food to eat, healthcare for their kids... i want them to know that Jesus loves them, and show them in real ways. i want to serve with a right motive- love for and obedience to God. i want to love people as i love myself, but out of love and obedience for God. and to have an eternal perspective above everything else, to recognize that spiritual needs are always the greatest, and that meeting physical needs should point to that conversation. people need Jesus. they don't deserve Him. i don't deserve Him. but we all need Him. to recognize what seperates us, take hold of his sacrifice to remedy it, and start a lifelong pursuit to know Him as intimately and practically as possible.

and really, i stink at it. i think most of us do. we need the Spirit of God to stop us in our tracks, and change our hearts, so that our behavior will become more like Jesus. but often it doesn't seem that He does, until we give him a little time to get a word in edgewise. to be still and know who he is. think about who He is. to find certainty in our hearts that He alone is God. and when we discover the life-changing power in that, to make it a discipline, but a relational one. not develop religion around our formula, but to keep a perspective that puts utmost value and importance on knowing Him. and making Him known.

wow. maybe i do like communicating. or maybe i just enjoy typing and rambling late at night. either way. the time has come to go.