Almost two years ago...

Evan was born. And the world changed. I changed. It wasn't a conscious decision, there wasn't a moment of hesitation or question (though those came before and after). It was like one moment I'm just a guy, cheering on the most important person I'd ever met... So proud of her strength and courage (and yes, physical ability to some how push another living human being into the world)... But then the next moment, I'm a dad... Without learning how, I'm instantly connected to this gooey screaming alien child... And I can't take my eyes off him. I want to tell him that he's okay, and that I'm watching out for him and taking care of him. Even though everything happening around him and to him is incredibly traumatic and terrifying, I'm there for him. And I look at Christine knowing we have something so special at that moment... A family. We're parents. (I'm also very aware and thankful for amazing drugs that allow us both to be smiling and talking at this point.)

So fast forward to tonight... I hold him down to put eye drops in his pink-eye stricken eye, pray beside his bed, and kiss him on the head, knowing he'll scream when I leave the room. I go in an hour later, take the big wire with the wooden beads toy thingy off his bed, pull his cup out from under his side, and cover him up. Think about his newfound affinity for altoids, his pronunciation of the word 'daddy', how I never planned on calling anyone 'buddy'... But since the day he was born it just seems to fit. And I still have the deepest, most profound love for him (and his beautiful prego mama)... And I realize that part of the gift that a child is, is the experience of fatherly love, perspective, nature... It really is a gift.

So I go to bed thinking 'Jesus, we really need to name 2.0 before he gets here...' and realizing I'm about to go from being amused and amazed by ultrasounds, heartbeats, and belly-fluttering, to completely enamored and eternally connected to another human being... (one we still don't have a name for). Life is so weird.

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why

That can be a scary question... Especially to ask God... Especially when you're reading through the Old Testament... I know it won't get any better as we go. And I've been thinking about rambling on in a blog about it...

But to avoid putting words in God's mouth, or thoughts in His head, or telling a backstory that isnt really there, I'll just say this... The question that helps me through the Law isnt so much 'why', but more 'what value system is God instilling by these patterns, rituals, rules and repetitions' in the lives of people living totally by faith (though it doesnt seem too impressive at times)... The middle of the desert, fed by something I picture as flat oily rice cakes, getting water from rocks, and following a glowing, stuttering, mountain-climbing shepherd.

I really am tempted to start writing all the maybes in my mind rolling around... And I would, if 'maybe God' wasnt so scary to type... In the end, I think God was teaching his people his value system... Holiness is valuable. Sin, even unintentional is costly. Atonement is a life or death issue. Our relationship with Him isnt something to be approached haphazardly... WHAT WE THINK HE WANTS, HE MOST LIKELY DOESNT... Because our values are not His. And that's really the overarching lesson for us, as NT believers... He put pricetags on things we dont have pricetags for now... He put His value system in some terms of THEIR value system. He ACCOMODATED tainted, unspiritual humanity, by giving them physical represntations of the mysterious unseen. Come to think of it, that really sounds like something He would do, huh?

And 'modern' self-enlightened Dave, like Judas, sees a very strange waste of material goods (and animals lives) that, in my mind is unnecessary for a lesson you could have just taught from a book... But it seems God is less of a test-driven and booksmarts kinda guy, and more of a hands on, you've learned it when you've felt it, experienced it kinda guy.

Anyway, more unstructured ramblings for the sake of rambling...

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worship sets on redmountain.cc

One of my mini-resolutions for 2010 is to keep our worship sets online, so people can find the music we do for worship and enjoy it between services...

Our set lists and AmazonMP3 links are on redmountain.cc under Media, then Music.  If you're interested...